I am moving. I've been thinking about switching to wordpress for a while now, and last night I decided to check it out. I think I like it over there, and I just might stay. Check it out:
http://incalculable.wordpress.com/
See you there!
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Random bullets of gratitude
I've been feeling kind of negative lately, and figured that I should fire some bullets of love at those blues. Here goes.
- I might be broke right now, but I have money coming in. I'm teaching a couple of great courses that I haven't taught before, and this is good. When my online course starts in September, I will be able to teach in my pjs. Booya.
- The co-written paper from hell was accepted for publication. Again, more work to fix its embarrassing black holes of weakness, but I can do this. It will be good. And it will help me (hopefully) get funding.
- I'm doing a fantastic directed studies course this fall. Also, it's in This Lovely City, so no more hellish commute to Big Nearby City.
- My connections with Small U are getting stronger every day. Above directed reading is with the new Dean of the faculty. I suspect he really likes me, and the feeling is mutual. We have very overlapping research interests. This may or may not result in a job one day down the road.
- Dr. J's big funded project is moving to Small U. More good connection for me, plus exciting research stuff happening right in my backyard. Likely some admin cash too.
- That's all work stuff. In other stuff: my life is a-okay. Tab A is adorable despite infuriating moments. He is also H.O.T. I love that.
- The boys. Oh, they are amazing. Last night we bbq-ed burgers and a watched a silly Owen Wilson movie. Today we went downtown for bubble tea and watched the dragon boat races in the harbour. I love hanging out with them. They are about fifty million times cooler that any other kids I have ever met. Seriously.
- Little Black Dog. She is so cute. I biked to the grocery store with her today, and it was nerve-wracking but no dog-induced crashes. For her, it was the most exciting thing ever (then again, for her everything is the most exciting thing ever).
- I love my home. Yesterday I tidied up the "yard" (aka, front door walkway) and today I bought some perennials on sale (a few different little lavender and thyme and mint plants) for some aromatic planters. It looks great.
- Running is awesome. Running with Liza-Lou is awesomest. Yesterday it was so hot and we randomly ran into Tab A at the beach, so we decided to jump in the ocean halfway through our run. FUN!
- I'm starting out the week with a clean house and some delicious leftovers (pasta with roasted veggies and pesto made from our own potted basil -- yum!). There is something about clean laundry and a washed bathroom that makes everything okay.
- I almost forgot -- I went out dancing on Friday night! Tab A bought tickets for a show and we we out. For reals -- out. It was very exciting and we saw people and stuff. Wow.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Great advice for a Wednesday morning
I woke up this morning all refreshed from a 9-hour sleep (I know it's said that you can't "catch up" on lost sleep, but my experience shows differently) and ready to face the world. Yep, that means paying bills. When I got home last night I found my long-awaited expense reimbursement for the field research I did way back in May, so now I get to feed the hungry wolves rather than just trying to pretend like they'll go away if I ignore them long enough. Ha. Not likely.
I've been juggling debt for a while now, and it's getting weary. I realize, though, that I come from a long line of debt jugglers. My dad can do miraculous things with credit, but they live pretty close to the wire. I talked to my mom a couple of days ago when I was getting a bit down about the whole stupid situation, and she reminded me about how she used to sometimes not eat so that she could feed us. Sometimes she tells me the story about how we lived on $40 a month for groceries after my dad's business bankrupted during the recession of the early 80s. Apparently we lived on homemade whole wheat bread and cracked eggs and laying hens from the nearby chicken farm. And whenever I hear these stories about the heroic poverty of my childhood, I'm thinking, "yes, this is the problem exactly." My parents lived in this fantasy shadowland somewhere between the protestant work ethic and the american dream, all the while believing that suffering is a prerequisite for success, and lack of success means you just haven't sacrificed enough -- not that the system is stacked against you to begin with.
Don't get me wrong. My parents are awesome and I love them. They've worked hard to gain a bit of financial security and to maintain a comfortable middle class lifestyle. They are good, good people -- Jesus-lovin Christian folk full of love and generosity. But in many ways they're also the product of a deluded generation that passed on those delusions as common sense wisdom. That delusion is based on the mythology of upward mobility and equal opportunity. It's a dangerous belief -- if you suffer/work hard enough, you can accomplish anything. Well, maybe you can. But then again, maybe you can't. And if you suffer/work/sacrifice enough and still don't get there, what are you left with?
This is what: a hundred-thousand in student debt, give or take a few thou on credit cards and line of credit. A damn good education, just short of a PhD. Contract teaching and research, seasonal editing -- an inconsistent and variable income that keeps you hovering on the poverty line. A sense of idealism that keeps you believing that somehow it is possible to pull it off, despite the structural gate-keeping of academia that provides a shoe-in for people financially secure enough to not have to work their way through school and a big huge wall to scale for everyone else.
Sometimes I think it would have been better to have been born into a family that taught class values instead of one that bought into the myth of a classless society. Because this is all about class -- it really is. And although with my looks and education I could pass in a second, the truth of the matter is that I come from a relatively long line of idealist pauper intellectuals and working class folks trying with all their might (and credit) for a middle class life.
Anyway, the great advice from the financial credit person I spoke to on the phone this morning: no dice with extending the line of credit limit (because of my lack of savings). No, I should pay off some debts so that I can get a bigger line of credit. Ya think? I'm not asking for a line of credit so that I can take a vacation to Hawaii or build a bigger garage for my new SUV. Duh. I'm one of those stupid assholes looking for money to pay down other debts. Savings my ass.
So I've been thinking a lot about that office job. I just don't feel like this whole situation is working very well. And that alternately depresses me and makes me mad as hell.
I've been juggling debt for a while now, and it's getting weary. I realize, though, that I come from a long line of debt jugglers. My dad can do miraculous things with credit, but they live pretty close to the wire. I talked to my mom a couple of days ago when I was getting a bit down about the whole stupid situation, and she reminded me about how she used to sometimes not eat so that she could feed us. Sometimes she tells me the story about how we lived on $40 a month for groceries after my dad's business bankrupted during the recession of the early 80s. Apparently we lived on homemade whole wheat bread and cracked eggs and laying hens from the nearby chicken farm. And whenever I hear these stories about the heroic poverty of my childhood, I'm thinking, "yes, this is the problem exactly." My parents lived in this fantasy shadowland somewhere between the protestant work ethic and the american dream, all the while believing that suffering is a prerequisite for success, and lack of success means you just haven't sacrificed enough -- not that the system is stacked against you to begin with.
Don't get me wrong. My parents are awesome and I love them. They've worked hard to gain a bit of financial security and to maintain a comfortable middle class lifestyle. They are good, good people -- Jesus-lovin Christian folk full of love and generosity. But in many ways they're also the product of a deluded generation that passed on those delusions as common sense wisdom. That delusion is based on the mythology of upward mobility and equal opportunity. It's a dangerous belief -- if you suffer/work hard enough, you can accomplish anything. Well, maybe you can. But then again, maybe you can't. And if you suffer/work/sacrifice enough and still don't get there, what are you left with?
This is what: a hundred-thousand in student debt, give or take a few thou on credit cards and line of credit. A damn good education, just short of a PhD. Contract teaching and research, seasonal editing -- an inconsistent and variable income that keeps you hovering on the poverty line. A sense of idealism that keeps you believing that somehow it is possible to pull it off, despite the structural gate-keeping of academia that provides a shoe-in for people financially secure enough to not have to work their way through school and a big huge wall to scale for everyone else.
Sometimes I think it would have been better to have been born into a family that taught class values instead of one that bought into the myth of a classless society. Because this is all about class -- it really is. And although with my looks and education I could pass in a second, the truth of the matter is that I come from a relatively long line of idealist pauper intellectuals and working class folks trying with all their might (and credit) for a middle class life.
Anyway, the great advice from the financial credit person I spoke to on the phone this morning: no dice with extending the line of credit limit (because of my lack of savings). No, I should pay off some debts so that I can get a bigger line of credit. Ya think? I'm not asking for a line of credit so that I can take a vacation to Hawaii or build a bigger garage for my new SUV. Duh. I'm one of those stupid assholes looking for money to pay down other debts. Savings my ass.
So I've been thinking a lot about that office job. I just don't feel like this whole situation is working very well. And that alternately depresses me and makes me mad as hell.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Napping in Latin American political economy
It's been a while since I've fallen asleep on the floor in the library, but it happens. Particularly when one has been up until 3am the night before, and then is too tired/wired to sleep much in the 3 hours before the alarm goes off in the morning. It's called poor planning.
However, despite my less than 3-hour sleep last night, I managed to catch an earlier bus this morning and discovered that a full third of the people I know at Small U were on the same bus. Apparently the 6:57 number 61 is the bus to catch. It even connects to the rare number 39, which actually goes right to campus (unlike the number 50 I'm usually on, which leaves me with a 20 minute walk to get there). It was nice to see people and chat a bit on the way to campus. It was also nice to arrive a full hour before my class started, which gave me time to print off a few extra things and relax with a coffee.
I think I've mentioned how much I love being back in the classroom. I love teaching, I really do. I especially love teaching an interesting course that the students enjoy (teaching writing was fun, but it could be pretty trying at times). One of the biggest differences I've noticed with this class is my improving ability to focus and simplify. I'm not worried about throwing a whole bunch of stuff at the students, so unlike the writing courses I've taught in the past where there is way too much information crammed into too little time, this class has a nice, almost leisurely pace. There's time for discussion. The students are engaged and interested, and the whole thing is almost effortless. Well, okay -- not completely. I was up until 3 am last night, but that was mostly because I had to finish the marking, and then review the chapters for today, and then pull together some slides and activities. And I was tired, so it was pretty slow going.
In the end, though? Twelve powerpoint slides for a three-hour class. And it is just the right amount. Gad, I can remember trying to plow through close to 30 slides in a 90 minute composition class. Ugh -- never again.
Anyway, I'm up in the Alma Mater U library, having not made it across town quickly enough to meet Tab A for a friend's MA thesis defense. So now I'm just waiting for the celebratory beer part of the defense to begin. I took advantage of the rare un-rushed library time to scour the shelves of the Latin American political economy section. There sure was a lot written in the 70s and 80s, but not a huge amount since about '87. It could just be an indication of the state of this library, but I got a few good titles (I pretty much poached the section of anything written after 1990). Then I read a few introductions, before deciding that Neoliberalism and Class Conflict in Latin America (1997), along with Trouble in Paradise (2003) would make just as good as a pillow for my weary head. Sweet library snooze, how I love you.
Tab A just called. And now it is time to drink some celebratory beer. Such is the good (if damnably poor) struggling academic life. There are always a few bucks for beer kicking around.
However, despite my less than 3-hour sleep last night, I managed to catch an earlier bus this morning and discovered that a full third of the people I know at Small U were on the same bus. Apparently the 6:57 number 61 is the bus to catch. It even connects to the rare number 39, which actually goes right to campus (unlike the number 50 I'm usually on, which leaves me with a 20 minute walk to get there). It was nice to see people and chat a bit on the way to campus. It was also nice to arrive a full hour before my class started, which gave me time to print off a few extra things and relax with a coffee.
I think I've mentioned how much I love being back in the classroom. I love teaching, I really do. I especially love teaching an interesting course that the students enjoy (teaching writing was fun, but it could be pretty trying at times). One of the biggest differences I've noticed with this class is my improving ability to focus and simplify. I'm not worried about throwing a whole bunch of stuff at the students, so unlike the writing courses I've taught in the past where there is way too much information crammed into too little time, this class has a nice, almost leisurely pace. There's time for discussion. The students are engaged and interested, and the whole thing is almost effortless. Well, okay -- not completely. I was up until 3 am last night, but that was mostly because I had to finish the marking, and then review the chapters for today, and then pull together some slides and activities. And I was tired, so it was pretty slow going.
In the end, though? Twelve powerpoint slides for a three-hour class. And it is just the right amount. Gad, I can remember trying to plow through close to 30 slides in a 90 minute composition class. Ugh -- never again.
Anyway, I'm up in the Alma Mater U library, having not made it across town quickly enough to meet Tab A for a friend's MA thesis defense. So now I'm just waiting for the celebratory beer part of the defense to begin. I took advantage of the rare un-rushed library time to scour the shelves of the Latin American political economy section. There sure was a lot written in the 70s and 80s, but not a huge amount since about '87. It could just be an indication of the state of this library, but I got a few good titles (I pretty much poached the section of anything written after 1990). Then I read a few introductions, before deciding that Neoliberalism and Class Conflict in Latin America (1997), along with Trouble in Paradise (2003) would make just as good as a pillow for my weary head. Sweet library snooze, how I love you.
Tab A just called. And now it is time to drink some celebratory beer. Such is the good (if damnably poor) struggling academic life. There are always a few bucks for beer kicking around.
Monday, August 11, 2008
More things I'd like to photograph, if I had a charged camera battery
1. My new moleskin calendar notebook. I love love love moleskin notebooks. This is the first time I've used the calendar -- each week has one page (left side) divided into 7 days and the facing page (right side) for notes. That way I can write all my to do lists and various notes, etc. in one place. Only, I'm sad that my lovely little notebook is so full of such worky un-fun stuff to do. Is it not August? Why am I stressed as hell about all those to do lists and too little time in which to get it done? Ugh.
2. Moon's new school, which we drove past for the first time today. He was away when they did school tours, so he's never been inside. We also checked out the bus route. Not the greatest, unfortunately.
3. The new graffiti and murals at our local radical bakery. They change up the graffiti art every couple of months, but it is always, always great. My all-time favourite is still the giant mural of Bush as Hitler, contemplating world domination. Lordy. Gotta love the radical bakeries.
4. The delicious olive bread I bought from above bakery. And my super-duper olive bread lunch sandwich.
5. My plants going summertime wild. Not outside plants -- unfortunately I was too busy either traveling or recovering from traveling to do anything at all outside this year. But my inside plants are damn happy right now.
6. Monk's new book, which is just under 500 pages long. He's not much of a reader yet, but he's going into grade 5 and I'm realizing that I need to push the reading a bit more. I tried to get him one that was a little shorter, but he resolutely insisted on this one. Because it's about a dragon, and that is the only thing he wanted to read about. Okay by me, as long as I can get the little bugger to read something that is not "The Dangerous Book for Boys." And speaking of, Moon is at this moment halfway through a 2-hour penalty time for attempting to light a fire outside in the driveway (hello? are you really 12 years old?). Toilet paper, twigs, a lighter and a bag of marshmallows. I was mostly mad that he'd swiped both the lighter and the marshmallows, but the thought of this house burning to the ground due to such silliness wasn't super awesome either. I was m.a.d.
I'm anticipating a long night tonight, unfortunately. I spent most of the day running around doing chores, so I still have all of the marking and planning for tomorrow to get done. Plus re-read the chapters we're reviewing. Iced latte, here I come...
2. Moon's new school, which we drove past for the first time today. He was away when they did school tours, so he's never been inside. We also checked out the bus route. Not the greatest, unfortunately.
3. The new graffiti and murals at our local radical bakery. They change up the graffiti art every couple of months, but it is always, always great. My all-time favourite is still the giant mural of Bush as Hitler, contemplating world domination. Lordy. Gotta love the radical bakeries.
4. The delicious olive bread I bought from above bakery. And my super-duper olive bread lunch sandwich.
5. My plants going summertime wild. Not outside plants -- unfortunately I was too busy either traveling or recovering from traveling to do anything at all outside this year. But my inside plants are damn happy right now.
6. Monk's new book, which is just under 500 pages long. He's not much of a reader yet, but he's going into grade 5 and I'm realizing that I need to push the reading a bit more. I tried to get him one that was a little shorter, but he resolutely insisted on this one. Because it's about a dragon, and that is the only thing he wanted to read about. Okay by me, as long as I can get the little bugger to read something that is not "The Dangerous Book for Boys." And speaking of, Moon is at this moment halfway through a 2-hour penalty time for attempting to light a fire outside in the driveway (hello? are you really 12 years old?). Toilet paper, twigs, a lighter and a bag of marshmallows. I was mostly mad that he'd swiped both the lighter and the marshmallows, but the thought of this house burning to the ground due to such silliness wasn't super awesome either. I was m.a.d.
I'm anticipating a long night tonight, unfortunately. I spent most of the day running around doing chores, so I still have all of the marking and planning for tomorrow to get done. Plus re-read the chapters we're reviewing. Iced latte, here I come...
Sunday, August 10, 2008
I should be marking, but I'm doing this instead
While I watch men's swimming. Mega-event weirdness aside, there's lots in the Olympics that I love watching. This is part of the reason I also had absolutely no problems when Tab A decided to get one of those digital boxes to give the TV 3 million more channels. I'm not really in love with much TV aside from the Daily Show and Colbert Report, but all the soccer and Olympics is great background tv. And some of the show names on the 1 million porno channels that we're not subscribed to are pretty damn funny too.
Anyway, I'm a week into the 3-week residency and marking hell is already on the horizon. But since selection and concision are two of the key learning outcomes of this course, I decided to go with very short assignments -- less than one page each -- during residency. One page is ample space to find out what level they're writing at and whether or not they've figured out what's going on in the course. And so my marking hell will be pretty brief -- I plan on getting through all of them tomorrow.
I'm distracted now by the swimming drama vignettes on NBC. I saw one earlier for the 33-year old gymnast whose son had leukemia (too lazy to link), but the swimming drama (love triangle between coach and another swimmer) involving leaked nude photos and possible conspiracy. Meanwhile over in the guys side they're just talking about how they're going to smash the rival competitor, etc. Where are the leaked nude photos of the guys, I want to know? Where are their dramatic love triangles exposed?
In any case, the swimming kicks ass. The races are close and exciting and sometimes unpredictable. I like other stuff a lot too, and then some -- like fencing -- is just so out there that it's funny. Okay, it's those darth vader helmets that are funny. And also I have no idea what's going on.
In other news, I lost my camera battery charger and my second battery, which means that I do not have a functioning camera. Such crap, because I'm broke enough that I can't really afford to buy a new charger for an old camera that I'll want to replace as soon as I can afford it anyways. So why not just save the coin towards a new camera? And I keep seeing things and cursing my lack of charger and thus battery power -- like the most blood red sunset I have ever ever seen on Thursday night. You will just have to imagine the most vibrant red light you've ever seen in the sky at dusk over a set of distant hills, the twinkling of the water in the habour mid-ground and in the foreground the city with all its colours made vibrant shades of orange from the light. Beautiful.
Anyway, I'm a week into the 3-week residency and marking hell is already on the horizon. But since selection and concision are two of the key learning outcomes of this course, I decided to go with very short assignments -- less than one page each -- during residency. One page is ample space to find out what level they're writing at and whether or not they've figured out what's going on in the course. And so my marking hell will be pretty brief -- I plan on getting through all of them tomorrow.
I'm distracted now by the swimming drama vignettes on NBC. I saw one earlier for the 33-year old gymnast whose son had leukemia (too lazy to link), but the swimming drama (love triangle between coach and another swimmer) involving leaked nude photos and possible conspiracy. Meanwhile over in the guys side they're just talking about how they're going to smash the rival competitor, etc. Where are the leaked nude photos of the guys, I want to know? Where are their dramatic love triangles exposed?
In any case, the swimming kicks ass. The races are close and exciting and sometimes unpredictable. I like other stuff a lot too, and then some -- like fencing -- is just so out there that it's funny. Okay, it's those darth vader helmets that are funny. And also I have no idea what's going on.
In other news, I lost my camera battery charger and my second battery, which means that I do not have a functioning camera. Such crap, because I'm broke enough that I can't really afford to buy a new charger for an old camera that I'll want to replace as soon as I can afford it anyways. So why not just save the coin towards a new camera? And I keep seeing things and cursing my lack of charger and thus battery power -- like the most blood red sunset I have ever ever seen on Thursday night. You will just have to imagine the most vibrant red light you've ever seen in the sky at dusk over a set of distant hills, the twinkling of the water in the habour mid-ground and in the foreground the city with all its colours made vibrant shades of orange from the light. Beautiful.
Friday, August 8, 2008
Happy lucky good fortune day
I'm not sure why I'm still totally broke, considering my auspicious birthday. Anyway, I'm in the middle of having a fantastic day, so no time to post. Just this: today I talked on the phone to the people who became Jessie's family after I gave her away 10 years ago. Jess just died of old age at 14 and 4 months. They gave her an amazing life full of so much love, and I'm so grateful to them for that. Really, it's one of the best b-day gifts ever to know that a dog I loved so much had such a long and happy life. I may not be a millionaire yet, but I guess that doesn't mean I'm without riches. Does Visa take payments in love & happiness?
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