Is there a message here I should be getting?

So the geography prof doesn't want to do a directed studies with me. He's teaching three courses already and doesn't have time. He apparently couldn't think of anyone else who might want to work with me. Thanks for that, Dr. Helpful.

Now I'm kinda at a loss. I can't afford to get to campus for classes, so that's not an option (it costs me about $400/month to commute). I could possibly afford to cough up the $1700 for tuition, but it will be pretty tight. I looked for a course at Alma Mater U here in Lovely City, but there's nothing that comes even close to what I need. I'm trying to stalk down a prof at Alma Mater who would be great to work with, but I've sent her emails before and gotten no response. So I'm not feeling super optimistic about that possibility. Anyway, I just sent a completely begging email to the prof of the class I'd hoped to take, asking if he'd consider doing a directed studies based on the same syllabus. I promised that I wouldn't need much direction.

And at the back of my mind I'm wondering, what the fuck am I doing here? And then I realize, what other options do I have? Oh yeah, government job. I think maybe I'll just try to stick it out a little longer... But really, how much longer? This is getting ridiculous. And now I've heard a rumour that even the measly funding my department provides students is being cut back. So it's likely that the small fellowship Uncle G said might be a possibility is no longer a possibility. He didn't mention anything about it in his last email, so that kind of leaves me wondering.

I want to scream. Why is this so hard? I am good at what I do. I know I have the potential to be a kick-ass academic. But it looks like having the ability, potential and desire to do it are not enough. No. What's required is a fucking trust fund. Who came up with this bullshit system? Asshats.